Scaring them straight

Last night I went to see that movie Mongol with my friend Rachel. I guess it was about retarded people or something.... I dunno, it was ok I guess..... Anyway, we were driving south on Park Blvd. and I was trying to show off my bad ass air horn I recently installed in my 1991 Toyota Corolla luxury sedan.

The first guy I saw was standing on the corner of Park and University holding a rotisserie chicken or something. I was like, "Watch this." and I blared my loud ass horn at him, to no avail. Fool just had chicken on his mind I guess. Undaunted, I drove on, sure I would find a victim.

As we past The Flame, I spotted two gay dudes... well, I presume they were gay that is, because they looked like this:



So I honked that shit right at them... it's this three tone melody in a fast sequence like.... FUHDELUH-FUHDELUH-FUHDELUH...

The one gay... I mean... guy on the street side of the sidewalk almost had a fucking heart attack. I am not exaggerating as I describe this. He jumped back into his special friend with his whole body twisted in defense, his face contorted in utter terror, his eyes all aglow, his panties all abunched.

Me and Rachel were about to die laughing. I had to pull the goddamned car over to just let it all out like Depeche Mode. Holy crapola, that was good. I am telling you, there was ne'er a better $25 spent in my pathetic little life. I recommend this fun lil' activity to anyone who has nothing better to do on a Friday night than drive around torturing fools.

This is the horn I have under my sweet hood:

Myspace.com is for the weak

I guess I don't realize how lame people are sometimes. I posted this flier on myspace:



and some weak ass bitch reported it and had it deleted. This is not the first time this has happened. Why do people hate butts? I don't get it. Whatever. All I had to do is put a little cloth over it and it's all better now. Here's the all new pussified version:



I dunno... I feel like it looks better anyway. Cool.

Wase got married today, everyone!

Yo wuzzup, bizznittiliatch. This weekend is OURS at The KO in San Francisco. Saturday is Booty Bassment and Sunday is The Worst Music Ever. OH FUCK YEAH BROL. Be there or I'll spank you with a wooden spoon.

Obama's new campaign song

So I was listening to this song while I was driving home from L.A. this evening, and holy shit... it is my jam for sure. I was getting so hyped that I could barely keep me head from shaking and nodding at the same time while making a really mean looking thizz face.

Anyway, I was tihnking that it's pretty cool that Obama is using Signed, Sealed, Delivered as his campaign song, but it would be even cooler if he used this song by Arnie Love & The Lovettes. It's melodic and funky and fucking tough all at the same time and it would scare the crap out of John McCain. I'm pretty sure he would just hand his wallet and watch to Barack the next time he came face to face with him. Punk bitch. RUN YO SHIT!

Oh, and look at this stupid picture.

Arnie Love & The Lovettes - We've Had Enough

JUSTICE FOR HUGUES, JUSTICE FOR ALL

Furzey-poo

I just couldn't wait. Actually, now that I think about it, why has it taken me so long to post this album? It was my number 1 for 2007, hands down. This shit just about melted my face off the first 50 times I listened to it, and still gets me so hype every time I hear the first blistered notes of A Life About My Sabbath. I know I am kind of beating the crap out of a dead horse with this Furze thing, but I really can't say enough about this demented shitbag called Woe J. Reaper. GENIUS. There. I wrote a review on this record a while back that you can read here.

Furze - UTD

"Boiled down to its very essence, metal is nothing more than a mixture of molasses and alienation."

These words, so aptly penned, belong to a young lady known only as "Megan" who writes one of the coolest blogs I have come across recently (thanks to Wase for the heads up). It is called The Black Oven, and it is a blog about baking sweets... from a black metal perspective. I don't want to ruin all the great surprises found on this blog, so just go there and look for yourself.

I am feeling so generous after reading this blog, that I have decided to share a couple rips from my personal collection with you. These are two rare and out of print records I bought off of Ebay (for entirely too much) by one of my favorite black metal bands (actually, a one man band) called Furze.

These are two super raw and weird pieces of black metal psychosis. Dude is straight fucking crazy. Read the liner notes on the 10" for proof.

I will be posting a couple Furze LPs soon, too, which are more produced and probably a little easier on the casual listener. Maybe. But what do I know.


Furze - Furze 10"




Furze - First Feast For Freedom 7"

I like quilts...satanic black ones!

Joo diamons look like Christmas

This is my fucking dog, Chingo Bling. If you are not familiar, here is the first line off of his Wikipedia page:

Chingo Bling was born Pedro Herrera III. He graduated from Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas in 2002 with a BS in business administration, was a member of the national business fraternity ΑΚΨ, and is CEO and founder of the record label Big Chile Enterprises[1].

So, he is fucking crazy. He has a pet rooster named Cleto, vaquero boots with Nike swooshes on the side, he sells tamales out of the trunk of his lowridercar (I think that's what they call them), and he makes fucking weird music. And he has mad bideos on jootubes.com, but my favorite one, the bideo for Walk Like Cleto, isn't there anymore. If anyone knows where it can be found, please let me know.

Below is a link to download his first album. I left out the last two tracks, because the file would have been too big and they aren't that great anyway.


Chingo Bling - Duro en la Pintura

Brobama: Fuck What Yo Mama Say.

Fool clinched it. To celebrate the fall of Billary (the pork-barrel whore), I give you this masterpieceofshit. Although, I kinda love it. And just so you know, Worst Music Ever will be back in San Dawgz sometime in July at The Whistle Stop Bar.




Bonus Beats