Sensitive Little Flowers Always Ruin All the Fun

Apparently some of the art I make is offensive to some people. I really, really don't mean to offend anyone. I guess I have a somewhat sick sense of humor, and I don't really think about how it affects people. The fact of the matter is that most of the time I really don't care! Maybe I'm a jerk, but I just feel as if people need to stop being so sensitive about things.

The reason I am going off on this dumb tangent is because I have recently caught some flack over the last flier I made for The Worst Music Ever in San Francisco, which is pictured below-



The first indication that I had "stepped over the line" was John from The Knockout informing me that Myspace had deleted my flier from The KO's myspace page, and that I better make a new one. Then there were a couple snarky comments about the flier left on the Facebook event page, which culminated in a little discussion between my friend Claire and I regarding misogyny and such. Really fun stuff, actually.

SO- I just thought I would try to clear the air on this issue, and explain my standpoint the best I can by posting my responses to her concerns and claims of MISOGYNY and SADISM, in a somewhat paraphrased manner, as I do not have Claire's permission to post her messages here. Here goes...



Today at 4:27pm
If somebody is offended by that I don't give a fuck. The woman who posed for the pictures obviously didn't give a fuck either. Would it be misanthropic of me to put some pictures of an ugly fat man posing like a fool on a flier? No one would care. The fact is that no matter if you are misogynist or not, that the woman is ugly, and the absurdity of her posing for such photographs is what I find amusing. Show me one person who finds those pictures to be attractive and I will give you a handshake and an apology. Other than that, I will repeat myself by saying that I don't give a fuck if people take offense to it. I would also suggest that people not take themselves so seriously. Try smokin' a doob and watching some John Waters.
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And here's my second message (slightly less abrasive this time)...


Today at 6:38pm
Of course you are entitled to your opinion, just as I am entitled to mine. But, I reserve the right to poke fun at whomever I please, including myself. I don't know if you noticed the rest of the flier, but my name is "misspelled" Dummytri Dickheadson and Ryan's is Rayn Poulsmoke. Should I be upset with myself for that self deprecation? Preposterous! Not to mention the blatant disrespect to the Rastafari religion through the use of the colors red, yellow, and green. And on top of it all, a general disregard for good taste and artistic balance with the use of the worst fonts I could possibly find. So I'm a misogynistic, anti religious, self loathing art hater. Is that it? Maybe a sadist on top of it all for even doing this event in the first place. Labels are great, aren't they? Way better than art at least.

ALSO- I am most certainly entitled to judge beauty. Not that this flier has anything to do with this issue, but since you bring it up... Ever hear that saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"? Well, its true. I would take that one step further by stating that absurdity is in the eye of the beholder. I did not use those images on my flier because I hate that woman, or women in general for that manner. I just think she looks funny!

With that being said, of course you may visit us. I just want you to know that I am right and you are wrong ;) just kidding. Sort of. But for real, its all good.
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And just so you all know, our discussion ended positively and without the use of dirty words like FUCKING COCK SNIFFING FAG or UGLY BACKDOOR WHORE. I love you.

The Best Flier I Ever Made.

A stocking full of SHIT.

This coming Thursday, Ryan and I invite you all to join us at The Knockout for Christmas caroling, gift giving, and eggnog in celebration of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Harry Christ. Just kidding. More like listening to ssuuuuuuuper shitty music turned up way too loud, me withering abuse on unsuspecting bar patrons over the microphone, and binge drinking of your grog of choice, which is probably Tecate or some such trash. Actually, I'm going to try to talk John into letting us do a drink special with eggnog. Eggnog/Redbull/vodka maybe. That sounds pretty scrumptious. Oh, and Jamie Jams will be playing all his "original 12 inches" that night too. After this, I will never have to hear him say, "Dude I have that 12 inch" ever again. Thank Jesus' bloody face for that! Just kidding, bro. I might make a Worst Christmas Ever mix cd to hand out too.

And then....


Yes, it's the return of the stupid old Bassment. I am going to try to get you kids some lil stocking stuffers and shit, and actually just read the flier for all the other info.

A whole crap-basket full of fun

It gives me great pleasure to announce to you that the flaming torch of poor taste and unhappiness has not, and will never be extinguished. What I mean is The Worst Music Ever returns to San Diego this Thursday at The Whistle Stop Bar. The powers that be cannot stop us. Makes me feel all special.


Then, Saturday is Booty Bassment San Francisco. Hopefully I will be rubbing my crotch on some unsuspecting young lady as Ryan slaves away in the dj booth.


And then, Sunday marks a very special Worst Music Ever in San Francisco with my guests Lethal Ethan and Mike Doyle! It's going to be sickening.

We will be celebrating the selection of MTV Europe's award winner for The Best Act Ever:

RICK ASTLEY


Yes, you heard it right.



That fucking dildo won "Best Act Ever". Wow. Maybe I could get a job djing for MTV Europe parties.

Proceed to the dang Knockout

A Mention in the SF Weekly

Our friend Jamie Jams has been receiving a fair amount of attention for his 90's night at The Knockout called Debaser. I have never been able to attend because I'm never in San Francisco when he does it, but everything I've heard is good. Anyway, they got another write up in the SF Weekly, and the reporter mentioned us in the article. Pretty cool. Read the article here.

More stupid bullshit.

Blah blah babble yabble boo.

Free Floating Agression 8/10/08

I am watching the Olympics right now; it's ladies gymnastics. Pretty cool, but a commercial for Direct TV came on and ruined me for the next few minutes. Remember my previous post regarding the Lollapalooza references all these idiots keep making? (Read it here.). Well, in this commercial, Jimmy Kimmel refers to a football game as a, "Hail-Mary-Palooza." What the hell, bro? What the fucking hell, broseph? Why? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Bad move, dogmaster. That commercial places your ass on my shit-list.



In other news, I have decided to begin my campaign to speak out against Willow, from the movie Willow. I am in full support of Burgelkutt.



Also, I have decided to protest my company, Basstanic, and all events promoted by my company.

The weekly run-down

This Thursday I'll be back in San Francisco to bring the motherfucking ruckus on your eardrums with all your favorite shitty hits. The Worst Music Ever is the best night ever. A special respect goes out to our fucking doggmaster Jamie Jams for always repping us so hard and dropping the name in his SF Weekly interview (which I seem to not be able to find at the moment, but here's a review of his awesome 90's tribute night, Debaser).

Incidentally, there is a photo of Manjari in this article, looking ravishing as always.

For those fools that aren't scared, Booty Bassment is Saturday. Get over yourself and make an appearance. You might be able to hump a leg or two.

Alsooooooooo.... Ryan and I are DJing at Casanova on Valencia for Sunday happy hour. Come listen to our favorites, not just our club selections.

Cool.

Wase got married today, everyone!

Yo wuzzup, bizznittiliatch. This weekend is OURS at The KO in San Francisco. Saturday is Booty Bassment and Sunday is The Worst Music Ever. OH FUCK YEAH BROL. Be there or I'll spank you with a wooden spoon.

Brobama: Fuck What Yo Mama Say.

Fool clinched it. To celebrate the fall of Billary (the pork-barrel whore), I give you this masterpieceofshit. Although, I kinda love it. And just so you know, Worst Music Ever will be back in San Dawgz sometime in July at The Whistle Stop Bar.




Bonus Beats

The Worst Music Ever in the SF Weekly.

"Worst" DJs Dimitri Dickinson and Ryan Poulson (sic).

Read the article here.

San Francisco shite.

Some people wonder why we persist with this bullshit called The Worst Music Ever. Why? Because good music is played out. That is why. But the real question is not why, but when.

Wednesday, May 14 at The Knockout in San Francisco. That's right, joto. No matter how hard all our detractors (that means haters, dummy) try to stop it, it can't be stopped.

But with that being said, it looks like we won't be doing it again at The Live Wire. Jeez, Louise. Matt and Thad , the bartenders at Live Wire hate us and I'm pretty sure it's their fault that the owner told us NO DICE. Never fear, young one. The Worst Music Ever will rise like a phoenix from the ashes, only to burn brighter. Hopefully at The Whistle Stop. The bartenders there aren't walking around with a pint glass stuck up their ass all day, so they have that going for them.

Oh, there is also another cool show at The KO on the Thursday after WME... by none other than our San Diego comrades Skull Kontrol, The Crocodiles, Fantastic Magic, and The Carrots from Austin. It's gonna be fucking sick, bro.



Aaaaaaaaand.... The Booty Bassment, San Francisco is that Saturday. Don't have a flier for that yet, but it's coming. Ryan and I are playing a couple other random events that week in San Francisco that you should peep as well. I know Friday we'll be at 222 Hyde and some other shit I can't think of. Whatevers.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Last night, Dan and I graced our adoring public with the first of what will become (if the bar staff doesn't have any say in it) a monthly edition of The Worst Music Ever at the Live Wire. It was frickin awesome, bro-ski.

Although we had no microphone hooked up for which to accost the audience, we still managed to reap some intense hatred from them. A number of times we were pelted by ice cubes, wadded napkins, and other miscellaneous missiles, not to mention all the "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"s and middle fingers. Man, they hated us last night.

The coupe de grâce came from the classic, Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton. Right when it dropped, I could barely hear the music over the roar of a highly dissatisfied crowd, to say the very least. People always get so angry when we play that one. Some girl was overheard saying, "Fuck him. His son deserved to fucking die." Ouch.

At the end of the night, Dan asked Matt, one of the bartenders, if it was as shitty as he thought it would be. Matt replied saying, "It was worse. It wasn't fun, it wasn't funny, and it fucking sucked."

Admittedly, some people had a good time. All this dancing and smiling... this has got to stop. It is now our mission to end this madness. We are here to bring the pain to the masses; end of fricking story.

Here are some "party pics" from last night's festivities...

We win and you lose.

It is with great joy that I announce to you the official return of my favorite event, THE WORST MUSIC EVER. We reconvene at The Live Wire in San Diego next Saturday. Regrettably, Ibiza Mark will not be joining 50 and me to torture the shit out of you with dreadful music, excessive gun shot and air horn sound effects, and verbal abuse on the microphone. But the show must go on, as they say.

If you don't go, I will find out where you live, park outside your bedroom window at 3 am, and blare Flies in the Vaseline by Stone Temple Pilots full blast while honking the three tone airhorn Brandon and I just installed on my Corolla. Then, I'll hitchyuh in the lip with my shin bone.... putcher lip on the pavement... letchyuh talk to the pavement for a while.




The Neverending Story Theme

Baby is HAPPY.

This weekend I have been in San Francisco doing my two favorite events... Booty Bassment and The Worst Music Ever. The children are really taking to the idea that shitty music is for dancing to at the bar. I couldn't be any happier about this development in my life.

So, here's the big news.... Sam (the owner of the Whistle Stop where we do BB at in San Diego), just confirmed May 3rd for The Worst Music Ever at Live Wire. That is a Saturday. Holy Shit! I can not wait. I'll whip up a flier soon enough. Fuck The Zombie Lounge in the goat-ass.

Also, Ryan finally uploaded one of the videos from the Booty Bassment San Francisco one year anniversary party which we had a butt-shake contest at. It was fun. Conceit did a good job MCing for us and the crowd was great. Here is the final round...

O-Bitch-uary

Hello, all.

I am loathe to inform you that the inevitable has occurred: The Worst Music Ever was canceled at The Zombie Lounge (the worst bar in San Diego).

I am not going to say that I was surprised to hear this, but nonetheless, it was disappointing. It really is my favorite night to dj, and our Jimi Hendrix acid freakout style crescendo finales will be sorely missed. But fear not, young one... The flame burns on in San Francisco.

This is just another nail in the coffin of San Diego, as far as I am concerned. The fact that such a beautifully stupid and fun night such as Worst Music Ever could not survive here, but flourishes in San Francisco just further proves that San Diego sucks. You know, I never really liked hearing that out of people's mouths before. It just sounds so pompous. But the facts remain, and it never ceases to amaze me that the people here are so slow.

Why? I really haven't figured it out yet. I'm not just talking about my dumb little nightclub now... but everything just takes forever to catch on here, and then when it does, people claim it like it has been their thing all along, and that no one else should like it. Take Booty Bassment for example. It took us at least three years to get a crowd to come on a regular basis. And even then, people were fickle about showing up from time to time. It really hasn't been until this past year that I don't have to bust my ass promoting to have a consistent crowd there every month. This is year five we're talking. On top of that, Ikah and I have gotten absolutely zero press coverage for doing this night, even though it is The Whistle Stop's busiest night, and one of San Diego's most popular "underground" monthly events. I look at Sign On San Diego's website and they have an interview with some girl called DJ Clair who does a monthly happy hour at The Whistle. Really? Now look at Booty Bassment in San Francisco. The first one we did was the busiest night they had had at The Knockout ever, besides New Year's Eve. Ryan is in charge of promotions there, and he is more or less hopeless in this arena, much like myself. Despite that fact, it is absolutely packed every month. Year one. I can't call it.

I just wanted to vent a bit and let it be known that Worst Music Ever is dead in San Diego, San Diego sucks a goddamned racehorse's testicles with tomato ketchup, and I'm not happy about it. With that being said, I am going to try to find a new venue for WME, as much as everyone hates it and all.

Recharging the malice.

This weekend "powned." If you don't know "wtf" that means, well "zomg," take your sorry arse over to Urban Dictionary and get learned. The Bassment also "r00led." I can't wait to see the footage that Megan, Ashley, and Felipe got that night. The video short should be done in about a month. By the way, I had a great time driving up and hanging out with those three sweet knuckleheads.

The real story though, is about Sunday night. The Worst Music Ever was nothing short of epic. 50 Sant came up from San Diego to help Ryan and me bring the pain on you hoes, and did he ever. Some seriously legendary mixes occurred that night, the most notable was committed by Ryan. 50 played Waka Laka (peep the video below, if you dare), much to everyone's chagrin. Ryan steps up the turntable speed to 45... then he starts fast forwarding the record faster and faster and faster until the song was a sickening blur of Eurotechno madness... Dan and I are completely doubled over in laughing fits... at which time Ryan drops Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls. Jesus Christ on a goddamned crutch. The crowd was in a frenzy, I was on the floor, Dan's face was nowhere to be found, and Ryan peed a little in his pants.

I love this night more than any other night I dj at. It is all about PAIN. We were heckling the shit out of the crowd the entire night (Dan dropped Margaritaville and I just yelled "FUCK YOU" on the mic as I mixed in Supermodel by Rupaul), hyping the pit ("Cut the shit; start the pit!" during a Smashmouth song), we played the theme music to 2 Girls 1 Cup and actually got two random girls to reenact it on stage, and ended the night with a group sing-along to Bryan Adams' (Everything I Do) I Do It For You.

I have always been a bit of a sadist, but this event really brings out the worst in me. In a good way. I think. Either way, I feel as though my life now has meaning. Yes, my children, my mission in life is to destroy dancefloors by dropping With Arms Wide Open by Creed, to puncture people's eardrums with excessive airhorn blasts and shotgun sound effects, and to ruin the night of every human being that steps foot into the bar. Thank you.



Oh, and BBSD is this Saturday (2/23) and The Worst Music Ever San Diego is not this Thursday, but the following (2/28). Be there or die by the sword.

Special, special, special.

This weekend, I head up to San Francisco, also known as The Gay Bay, for two events and one hecka good time. Saturday night is The Booty Bassment, and we will have our own Ikah Love in the place. Also, Milkfat Films will be there filming the entire debaucherous event. Try to tidy up a bit before you come. The whole world will be looking at your busted outfit.



Sunday night, we are back at The Knockout for another edition of The Worst Music Ever. The last one we did in SF was way better than any of us even expected, and I have high hopes for this one. Good old 50 Sant will be guest starring, and believe you me, he can bring the pain.



I will have free WME mixtapes to give to the lucky few, so get there early. And no excuses that "It's a skool night," or whatever the shit, because Monday is President's Day and you have it off. Don't gimme none of that mess, baby bish.

01/24/08 Marks A New Milestone In The Annals Of Bad Music History.

Tomorrow night at The Zombie Lounge, we commence with The Worst Music Ever in San Diego. Dan Sant, Mark Smith, and myself bring the ruckus to your poor brains with some serious shit. Come hang out with us at the worst bar I've ever djed at. And yes, this is the same flier I used for the last one in San Francisco, but a guy only has two hands, and one of them is busy masterbating.